Your bodies are in a constant state of self-regulation, continually searching for equilibrium within a given context of inputs. When those inputs produce a high level of stress over an extended period, we can remain in a sympathetic state as the body strains toward rest. The norm is often to “burn out” in order to force ourselves into rest. What is less utilized is the ability to consciously ease back into rest—to move toward a parasympathetic state. In today’s zeitgeist of healing, the...

Many men after the age of 25 live with a quiet but persistent internal conflict they rarely articulate. It surfaces under pressure. ..career uncertainty, financial load, isolation, or the demand to perform without pause. In those moments, the impulse to reach for something regulating is often followed immediately by irritation or self-judgment. That reaction is neither weakness nor pathology. It is a collision between values. On one side is a legitimate need for regulation. This part of...

It’s becoming clear to me that, in one way or another, people often come to therapy because there is something about themselves they dislike. A part of them is hated. This self-hatred rarely appears out of nowhere. More often, it has roots in early experience—long before we had language, morality, or choice in the way we now understand them. In the first few years of life, a child is egocentric in a very specific way. The baby is not merely self-focused; the baby is the world , and the world...